This is my first ever blogging experience and English is not my native language so bare with me and I hope you enjoy reading about my experiences. The good and the bad.
I live in Breda, a city in the Netherlands and I go to school there as well. I follow a tourism program there and I just finished my 2nd year. Recently, I got accepted to do an exchange program in Latvia starting on the 1st of September. Normally I would have been really excited and overjoyed at this opportunity but I had other plans, which have one by one gone down the drain as the weeks passed by and now the biggest feeling I have right now is a bit of fear. I got so used to my life in the past 2 years and now everything is changing. I can only hope that this change is for the best and, even though I’m a bit afraid, I will move forward and make the best of this experience.
To explain my situation in more details I will begin from the start of the school year. At that time I just started suffering from heartburn and it took a real toll on my mind for some reason. All I could think about was how to take care of my health and I started stressing out a lot and felt as if I was carrying something heavy on my shoulders. All this affected my performance in school and thus my year started off very rocky. Now in October I found myself a girlfriend and things started to look a bit more positive. We clicked ever since we met and things were going well in the beginning. However, after 1 month together things started going downhill. We fought a lot and I felt that we rushed into this too fast. Now this is only my side of the story and I don’t want to say bad things about her either, but I was the one who carried this relationship all the way. I even gave up a field trip of 1 month in Asia so that she can go with her friends. In addition, I started wondering what we are going to do when we go on exchange and internship. Thus, I suggested that after our exchange in seperate countries, we can go on internship together.However, she never really talked about any of this or even about our future together. I should have seen this but I was too in love to notice. We stayed together for 10 months and during this time she broke up with me 5 times. A bit too much I would say but again, blinded by love. In the end, she broke up with me via text, called me the day after because she regretted it, but 1 week later broke it off completely with me by saying that we don’t belong together. Now why I feel afraid of the future is because I put so much energy and love in this relationship and when our lives were about to change, the one thing that I was certain about back then was me and her. This came at a tough time for me. Maybe others will disagree, but I felt that she was my support in the unavoidable change that is coming. A change that scared me a bit. And now that support is gone and I have to face this change without her. This relationship had taken all of my energy that I let it almost ruin my 2nd year of school. I failed a lot of courses and now I have 5 resits to attend to at the end of August.
Now the day is nearly hear for me to leave for Latvia for the first 5 months so I never had much time to focus on myself before leaving, which is what scares me.I’m faced with a break up of barely 1 month old, a hard 2nd year of school behind me, a complete change of country, school and life in front of me, all at the same time. It’s a lot some days to take in, but I am giving it my best to move forward with confidence and I have faith that I will find happiness of all kind, in this upcoming school year.