Leaving the past behind.

This is my first ever blogging experience and English is not my native language so bare with me and I hope you enjoy reading about my experiences. The good and the bad.

I live in Breda, a city in the Netherlands and I go to school there as well. I follow a tourism program there and I just finished my 2nd year. Recently, I got accepted to do an exchange program in Latvia starting on the 1st of September. Normally I would have been really excited and overjoyed at this opportunity but I had other plans, which have one by one gone down the drain as the weeks passed by and now the biggest feeling I have right now is a bit of fear. I got so used to my life in the past 2 years and now everything is changing. I can only hope that this change is for the best and, even though I’m a bit afraid, I will move forward and make the best of this experience.

To explain my situation in more details I will begin from the start of the school year. At that time I just started suffering from heartburn and it took a real toll on my mind for some reason. All I could think about was how to take care of my health and I started stressing out a lot and felt as if I was carrying something heavy on my shoulders. All this affected my performance in school and thus my year started off very rocky. Now in October I found myself a girlfriend and things started to look a bit more positive. We clicked ever since we met and things were going well in the beginning. However, after 1 month together things started going downhill. We fought a lot and I felt that we rushed into this too fast. Now this is only my side of the story and I don’t want to say bad things about her either, but I was the one who carried this relationship all the way. I even gave up a field trip of 1 month in Asia so that she can go with her friends. In addition, I started wondering what we are going to do when we go on exchange and internship. Thus, I suggested that after our exchange in seperate countries, we can go on internship together.However, she never really talked about any of this or even about our future together. I should have seen this but I was too in love to notice. We stayed together for 10 months and during this time she broke up with me 5 times. A bit too much I would say but again, blinded by love. In the end, she broke up with me via text, called me the day after because she regretted it, but 1 week later broke it off completely with me by saying that we don’t belong together. Now why I feel afraid of the future is because I put so much energy and love in this relationship and when our lives were about to change, the one thing that I was certain about back then was me and her. This came at a tough time for me. Maybe others will disagree, but I felt that she was my support in the unavoidable change that is coming. A change that scared me a bit. And now that support is gone and I have to face this change without her. This relationship had taken all of my energy that I let it almost ruin my 2nd year of school. I failed a lot of courses and now I have 5 resits to attend to at the end of August.

Now the day is nearly hear for me to leave for Latvia for the first 5 months so I never had much time to focus on myself before leaving, which is what scares me.I’m faced with a break up of barely 1 month old, a hard 2nd year of school behind me, a complete change of country, school and life in front of me, all at the same time. It’s a lot some days to take in, but I am giving it my best to move forward with confidence and I have faith that I will find happiness of all kind, in this upcoming school year.

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One thought on “Leaving the past behind.

  1. Johnny boy! Thnx for sharing your blogpost with me, excited to hear all your stories in person, but the central thread online will only make sharing easier :).
    I am sure you will have an awesome time, just live in the moment.
    Grap life by the balls 😉

    Nothing but love,
    Iris

    Liked by 1 person

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